In life, we may find it easy to allow ourselves to love and
accept multitudes of other people, but when it comes to loving ourselves we're
not as forgiving. In fact, we can be quite relentless in our pursuit of
perfection. Self-love has nothing to do with using yourself
as the object of your love. Self-love means that your love comes from within is
generated from within, not from “loving” any object because it may please you
tremendously, whether that object is someone else or yourself. Self-love is a
condition of awareness, a way of perceiving, and an attitude, which results in
an integrated perception of the world.
Before we can have a truly
successful relationship, we must first learn to feel love for ourselves.
I have seen is that when we give from
a depleted place within ourselves, which is often the case when we don't truly
receive, strings can be attached to our generosity. At times, we may actually
be giving to others as an indirect way to get our own needs met instead of
coming from a purely selfless place. We may need to feel important and valued.
Because we're not valuing ourselves.
Here are some clues to help identify if this describes you:
- Do you strongly react when
your needs are ignored even though you realize that you didn't clearly ask
for what you want?
- Do you sometimes wonder in
those moments of self-honesty - when is it going to be my turn?
- Are there times that you feel
overwhelmed from giving?
- Does your body sometimes
shout either through a tight jaw or a tense gut that you've had enough?
- Do you often feel hurt or
defensive with the people who love you?
- How much pressure is there on
those who love you to show you that you are indeed loved?
- Do the important people in
your life need to reassure you of their love on an almost day-to-day basis
because you can forget?